I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
