I faked an abortion last night.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
