How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
