You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
