ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
