Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
