i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
