I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
