my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
pop tarts are not kleenex
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
