Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's the barista slut.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
