she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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