I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
