So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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