Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
