your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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