when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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