I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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