yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
