I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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