Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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