I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
