just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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