well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
