someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
