God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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