New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
