JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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