Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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