if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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