Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
