Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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