So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize