so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think i have herpe
just one?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
