i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
