I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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