you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
