It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
