I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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