too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
