I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
