If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize