In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
