I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
