Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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