I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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