i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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