i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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