THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
