Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
