Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize