I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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