my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
