I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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