Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize