Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
