After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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