And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
