Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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