He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
