just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
