Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
And then he peed in my hair
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