im drinking this country out of the recession.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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