Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
