i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
