the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
