hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
