five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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