my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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