he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
