Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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