I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
