i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
