Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
