I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize