trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
