BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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