you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize