To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
