i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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