If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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