I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
