So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
FUCK WHALES
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
