sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have demons in me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
