This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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