That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
