I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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