I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize