hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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