You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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