I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
