i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
