I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
