i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize