I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
