she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
