Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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