i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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