Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
