I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
