she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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