just tell him i said nine months
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
