In the future we'll all be gay
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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