either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
