Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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