he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
