He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i drank out of a bidet.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
